Sunday, October 07, 2007

Things Customers Do That Piss Me Off

After nearly four weeks of working at Wal-Mart as a cashier I have developed an extenisve list of things customers do that piss me off. This list will serve two purposes.

1. It will allow me to vent and
2. It will be a guide that helps you be a better customer.

So, here we go.


Customers who have a huge load of stuff but somehow see no need to place bagged items back in their cart or get a new cart for bagged items if their cart is not yet empty by the time my carousel fills up. Instead they let me fill every bag, stack things into a dangerous, precariously leaning pyramid on top of my bag carousel and then stand there with a blank "Why did things stop happening?" look on their face when I stop ringing their purchases up because I have nowhere to put them.




Customers who know they do not have enough money on a debit card, gift card or credit card. They are generally identified when they say, "I know there is not enough money on this card but I want you to ring all of my stuff up anyway just to see."


If you know you only have $20 on any given card then don't bring $976 of worthless shit you wish you had the money to buy for me to ring up knowing you can't pay for it. It is a real pain in the ass to have to void 20 items off of a ticket and more aggrevating when it was entirely avoidable. It also holds up my line.


Customers who forgot their money in the car. When this happens I have to suspend the transaction so my line doesn't get backed up. However, a suspension requires a key turn and, since I am but a lowly cashier, I do not have keys. I have to page a CSM, who could be anywhere, and wait for them to arrive and turn the key. So, my line ends up getting backed up anyway. When the customer who left their money in the car returns they somehow automatically think the front of the line belongs to them.
NOT SO! Go your ass to the back of the line since it was your mistake and not mine or the other customers who have been forced to wait because of your negligence. Git to Steppin!


Bring your shit in with you. Why would you ever leave money in the car anyway?


Customers who only have a few items but use a large cart anyway and then leave the damn thing sitting in the middle of my register blocking the way of other customers.


Either carry all your stuff in your hands or use a handbasket provided as you walk in. If you simply must have a large cart for a single small pack of M&M's then take the damn thing with you when you exit the store since the cart racks are on either end where you will be exiting. It has wheels and uses almost zero energy.


Customers who STINK! WTF you never heard of soap and water or something? I swear some people come thru my register and they smell so bad it is all I can do to keep from gagging and puking right on the belt. Can they not smell their own vile funk? Sadly, there never seem to be any personal hygine products among their purchases.


WASH YOUR ASS! Grab a can of FDS, soap, shampoo and some Degree located in the health and beauty aids section. It's really cheap and people will soon stop retching and turning green when you walk into the room.


Young looking customers who refuse to show ID when purchasing alcohol/tobacco/R-rated movies. They always have an excuse ready.

Customer: "I forgot it at home."

Me: "Tough shit kid you'll have to go home and get it and show it to me if you want this stuff."

Customer: "Its in the car."

Me: "Cool at least you don't have to go all the way home to get it."

And my favorite,

Customer: "My birthday is XX-XX-XXXX and I am this many."

Me: "Guess what kid...I can make up a birthday to make myself younger just like you can make up one to make yourself older. It's a neat trick ain't it?" me some ID before I turn you over my knee and tan your hide for you.
(I don't really say that last part but I think it)


Bring your damn license or whatever you use for ID into the store with you if you are in fact old enough to be purchasing the things you are trying to purchase but look under 35.


Customers who have two or three carts of stuff, come through the only line in the store that sells tobacco products and BUY NO TOBACCO! WTF is up with that exactly? What, pray tell, are y'all thinking? Why not go over to register 14 or down to register 2 and check out if you don't need tobacco? Why go through my line and hold up 10 people, with absolutely nothing in their hands (because they are buying tobacco) for 15 to 20 minutes and then not buy tobacco? Don't you understand that this is the only line in the store that sells tobacco? If you have 10 carts and ARE buying tobacco then come on thru and I will welcome you with a long as you buy tobacco.


If you aren't buying tobacco and there is another line open that can accomodate your purchses then STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LINE!

Sometimes I wonder if these people can wipe their own ass.


Wes said...

Written with your usual refreshing candor, Loretta! Thanks for the chuckle! WTF you would've made a dynamite Governor. Are you gonna try again?


Loretta Nall said...

Don't know about trying for Governor again. I do plan to run for the Dist. 81 House seat in 2010 though.

Christie said...

Omg what a great thing to wake up to! I already read it to Regina on the phone and she got a good laugh too. I still want a LN for governor t-shirt :)

-Sepp said...

HA! You think you have it bad? I'm the guy who usually gets stuck in line behind those people! Somebody should invent some kind of spray that keeps em away!

Anonymous said...

Now, now Loretta. It's not nice to make fun of the challanged. You know people get wrapped up in their own internal processes and the result is a short circuit in their elevator on the way to the top. Don't assume everyone has the same mental talents that you have.

On another topic: Are you supporting Ron Paul for president? His election would ensure legalized recreational cannabis use in our life time.

Regards, Dennis

Dennis said...

Loretta, get your Real Estate license in your spare time. Just go to a Franchise real estate company, ask to speak with the broker or sales manager and ask them what them to help fast track you into a career as a Real Estate Agent. As an agent, you will meet a lot of people over time an develop a base for local politic elections. Dennis

Jay said...

I used to work in a water park.. you know what that means? WET/deteriorated bills that people try to use to pay me.

I couldnt accept half the crap they tried to pay me with!

Anonymous said...

You know I totally agree with you. But you know what's causing all of this bullshit? The fact that the business world thinks that "the customer is always right". With that established, customers don't leave their common sense out the shopping doors, they leave it at home because people are fucking stupid! People don't want to think anymore! They care about their fucking selfish selves with no remorse of others and never want to blame themselves. "OH I FELL ON ICE, What happened?" Who are you gonna blame? The ice? People always feel like they are right and they want to hurt others by making them feel wrong. I hate customers, really!