I like this picture

My friend Christie has been delayed in getting her pics of the New Orleans trip out. She's had one surgery since we got back and is going to have another one this week I think. Anyway, during our meeting the other night at her house she showed the pics she has to me. I selected a few out of the many that she took and sent them to myself. This is one of my favorite ones. In this one we were all on a break from the conference and so we did what most everyone does at 10 a.m. on Bourbon St. and that is proceed to drank a lil'. Michael is having one of the only two drinks he had in New Orleans...which was a free shot that came with the purchase of a frozen, fruit-flavored 'tub-o-liquor'.

I really miss Michael.

Saying Goodbye to Michael Phillips

(L to R - Michael Phillips, Loretta Nall, Christie Reeder)

Michael Paul Phillips' funeral was held today in Millbrook, AL. As with any funeral, it was a very solemn occasion. I was happy to see that the church was packed with Michael's friends and loved ones. Christie Reeder, Ralph Hendrix and myself were in attendance for Alabamians for Compassionate Care.

The morning started out all wrong. I put my dog outside in his pen and put his kennel in the car. I had planned to take him with me because I wasn't sure how long I would be gone. When I went to get him out of his pen he refused to come. I had to leave him alone, outside and hope that he would not escape and eat a neighbor or get killed in the road. I don't think I can take any more burials of the things I love this week.

The family had agreed to let me deliver one of Michael's eulogy's. When I went to print it out I discovered my printer had no ink. I called my friend Christie who printed one and brought it with her. When I started reading over it about 20 minutes before the funeral started I realized that the printer had chopped off words and deleted entire sentences from paragraphs. I didn't know what I was going to do. Michael's family lives right around the corner so I decided to call them and see if they could print it for me. I had already sent it to them for approval. His sister-in-law said they had already printed it out and that the family loved it. Michael's Uncle Ron brought me a copy to the church.

Michael's Uncle Ron was the first to speak. He and Michael were the same age and had grown up more as brother's than as Uncle and nephew. Ron spoke about the good times growing up and shared treasured family memories with us. He told a great story about when he and Michael were baptized. He said they went home immediately afterwards and burned all of their rock-n-roll tapes.....except their favorite ones. Michael's favorite band at that time was KISS. The Ron sang a beautiful rendition of "I'll Fly Away." It's always that song and "Precious Memories" that tear me apart at funerals.

Next I spoke. His family had requested that I not mention medical marijuana specifically because not everyone knew about that part of Michael's life and it might cause other complications that no one should have to deal with on a day like today. Michael had given me an olive green safari hat in New Orleans that looks just like the light tan one I wear everywhere. Just out of the blue came in my room one morning and said, "I brought you this hat." As I took the podium I donned the hat and explained why I was wearing it. At the end of the service a small boy came up to me and said, "Michael used to wear that hat all the time."

Here is the eulogy that I delivered for our friend Michael.

Good morning. My name is Loretta Nall and I have a few words I would like to say about Michael Paul Phillips. I'd like to start by thanking his family for graciously granting me a few minutes of this most precious and private time. They are very brave because most people would have serious reservations about turning me loose with a microphone at a funeral. But they know I loved Michael and that I am deeply scarred by his passing and that this is the very last thing that I will ever be able to do for him. So thank you Ms. Jackie and Mr. Bobby for trusting me once again with Michael.

I met Michael after he saw me on the Keith Olbermann show during the 2006 election. He called me up and told me he was a patient and that he wanted to be involved in passing a law that would make his life and the lives of people like him more tolerable.

I worked with Michael for a little over a year on some political issues that he was interested in. I guess you could say I was his patient advocate. He was born with an inoperable brain tumor that caused multiple seizures on a daily basis. He had taken every seizure medication known to humankind, and a few that were not, to no avail. He survived 4 different and unsuccessful brain surgeries that resulted in major injury to his brain causing him to have problems communicating, understanding and slowing his motor skills and coordination. As a result of that he was never able to be independent. He was never able to live on his own for very long, was never able to get his drivers license, never married and never had any children. He had also been mostly ostracized from society because the world is a cruel place especially for those with disabilities. I was fortunate to be counted among the friends that Michael had along with the small group of people who work with me here in Alabama.

I began taking Michael to our patient advocate meetings around the state and coaching him on how to stand before the heartless power structure in the Alabama State House and tell his story. His proudest moment came when he and his mother testified this year before the house judiciary committee and he got his name and story in the Mobile Press-Register and the Montgomery Advertiser. He was chomping at the bit to be able to testify again in 2008 and would call me multiple times a week to see when we were going back. He had found happiness and strength in speaking out and standing up for himself. I think for the first time in his life he had found his voice and even if he could not do the little things that so many of us take for granted in life, speaking out was the one thing he could do for himself and people like him. And he took to it with a vengance. It was a beautiful thing to witness him discovering his inner strength and it was nothing less than a blessing for me to be able to be a part of that.

A few months ago the organization that I work for offered scholarships to attend a conference in New Orleans about the issues Michael and I worked on together. I was able to secure one for him to attend. To say that Michael was excited would be a vast understatement. He called me or emailed me at least twice a day about the trip for a good month before we left. His child-like enthusiasim was a beautiful thing to behold. He told me this would be his first trip away from home since he graduated high school. That was 20 years ago. Michael had a lot of fun on this trip. He was fearful sure, but he was excited and he knew he was part of a group of people who cared about him and loved him and accepted him and understood what his life had been like. I want to paint a brief picture of Michael's last days with us.

On the way to New Orleans Michael had complete control of the stereo system. He brought his large CD collection of the same kind of music that I love and we cranked it up and sang most of the 300 miles to our destination. During the times the radio was off he talked about is mom and dad and said he would miss them during the trip. He talked about his little nephew and how much he enjoyed it when he would come into his room and ask Uncle Michael to print him out some coloring sheets and they would color together. He told us that he had asked for a dog for Christmas. He discussed his medical history with Ms. Terry Gillard and Ms. Dawn Palmer who were riding with us. There is a class action suit against one of the manufacturers of a drug he had recently stopped taking and he wondered if he might be able to get in on that. I told him we would research it when we got back. He said he better start losing weight and taking better care of himself because he wanted to look good as a millionaire.

At the conference Michael got to meet other people who had seizures, mulitple sclerosis, who were in wheelchairs....people like him who could really relate to what his life had been like. My experience with Michael was that he was mostly a very shy person but at this conference surrounded by people who could relate he came out of his shell and made many friends. He got to meet some people that were very important to him and he felt very proud of himself and you could see his confidence growing and taking root. He got to tell his story to people who got it. He got to walk down Bourbon Street which is something everyone should see before they die. He got to eat raw oysters every day. He took notes during the sessions we attended, struck up conversations with the strangers sitting anywhere near him, exchanged contact information with other patients who were destined to become his friends and had begun making plans for how he would implement all that he had learned once he got back home. No one was more shocked than I was to find that he had passed without warning in the night. Michael passed the way most of us hope to exit this world. Asleep and never the wiser and although he was away from home and his loved ones he was nontheless surrounded by people who love and cared about him.

What I want to leave you with today is a message of compassion. Michael was a grown man with all the brains, drive and passion of any normal person lucky enough to be born without brain tumors. Because of his lifelong struggle to survive, his numerous surgeries, and the toll his seizures took on his brain function and his physical body he lacked the communication skills to express himself and it took him a little longer sometimes to understand things, which was very frustrating for him. Not being able to do the small things we take for granted like drive to the store, live in your own place, have a job, take a trip or even have a dog of his own made Michael a man who had to live as a child...never having the opportunity to grow up.

I am so glad that Micahel's path crossed mine for he taught me many lessons about patience, which is something I am notoriously lacking. He taught me to look underneath what you can see on the outside of people and find their core, because while our differences may be many on the physical level our similarities, if we take the time to look for them are always many, many more.

Before I end this today I want all of you to take a moment and think about someone you know who may have problems similar to Michael's. Do you know someone who is disabled? Unable to drive? Lacking human companionship because they can't get out and make friends? Someone who is in need of a little extra understanding and compassion? Someone who is often not included because it is inconvenient for us to take them along? Michael did not ask to be born with inoperable brain tumors but for much of his life he was treated by society as if he had. Could you do a little more to help people like Michael feel loved and included? Could you offer to lighten the load on the family members who care for people like Michael? While I know they do not want his life to be seen as a burden to them there is no denying that caring for a terminally ill person takes a very big toll. I could do more and I will do more. I am going to take the very important lessons that Michael Phillips taught me and incorporate them in to my daily life by reaching out more to people that we as a society often isolate whether we mean to or not. Will you do the same?

Michael Phillips I am so blessed to have known you and your passing has left a huge hole in my life. I will miss your phone calls, funny emails and your innocence. I will continue the fight for the common beliefs that you and I shared because I know that is what you would want. While we will miss you we know that you are in a place that does not require drivers license, you have your own house with a dog and there are no such evil and monsterous things as inoperable brain tumors. Thank you for showing us the true meaning of courage and bravery. On behalf of Christie and Mitch O'Brien, Dawn Palmer, Terry Gillard, Ralph Hendrix, Gabriel Sayegh and all of the new friends you made in New Orleans Peace Out Buddy! We'll miss you.

His family had also requested that I read the lyrics to "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best

Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best

Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best

Afterwards I went over to Ms. Jackie and Mr. Bobby, got down on my knees in front of them and laid my head in their laps. They gave me comfort and I hope I provided comfort to them. Michael's family had brought a small CD player and played "The Best Day" by George Strait. I suspect that was a request from Michaels father who took his death very, very hard.

We loaded up my old station wagon
With a tent, a Coleman and sleepin' bags.
Some fishin' poles, a cooler of Cokes,
Three days before we had to be back.

When you're seven you're in seventh heaven
When you're goin' campin' in the wild outdoors.
As we turned off on that old dirt road
He looked at me and swore...

Dad, this could be the best day of my life.
I've been dreamin' day and night about the fun we'll have.
Just me and you doin' what I've always wanted to.
I'm the luckiest boy alive,
This is the best day of my life.

His fifteenth birthday rolled around,
Classic cars were his thing.
When I pulled in the drive with that old Vette
I thought that boy would go insane.

When you're in your teens
Your dreams revolve around four spinnin' wheels.
We worked nights on end 'till it was new again,
And as he sat behind the wheel he said,

Dad, this could be the best day of my life.
I've been dreamin' day and night about the fun we've had.
Just me and you doin' what I've always wanted to.
I'm the luckiest boy alive
This is the best day of my life.

Standin' in a little room back of the church with our tuxes on,
Lookin' at him I say, I can't believe, son that you've grown.
He said,

Dad, this could be the best day of my life.
I've been dreamin' day and night of bein' like you.
Now it's me and her,
Watchin' you and mom I've learned,
I'm the luckiest man alive,
This is the best day of my life.

I'm the luckiest man alive,
This is the best day of my life.


I mentioned in an earlier post that one of Michael's favorite bands was Metallica. While we were riding to Birmingham last week to pick up the rest of our group he played "Sanitarium" and said it was his favorite song ever. Understanding something about Michael's life and listening to that song with him while riding down the road I totally understood how that was his most favorite song ever. Read the lyrics and see if you don't agree.

Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, no windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred

Sleep, my friend, and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says “rage”

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Build my fear of what's out there
Cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?


No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium

Just leave me alone

Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
kill is such a friendly word
seems the only way
for reaching out again

I got seperated from the funeral procession and was unable to locate and follow them to graveside services. I plan to visit Michael's grave when I have had some time to digest and accept all that has happened. Right now I am just too raw and drained. As I was driving home the radio station played "Paradise City" by Guns-N-Roses. That was one of the songs Michael and I sang at top volume on the way to New Orleans. He said we must look like the characters in "Wayne's World" when they were driving down the road and jamming to "Bohemian Rhapsody". I'm actually still hoarse from it. I cranked the stereo up all the way coming home, think I might have blown a speaker in the rental car and thought how perfect it was that song should come on at that moment.

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home (Oh, won't you please take me home)

Just an urchin livin' under the street
I'm a hard case that's tough to beat
I'm your charity case
So by me somethin' to eat
I'll pay you at another time
Take it to the end of the line

Rags to riches
Or so they say
You gotta
Keep pushin' for the fortune and fame
You know it's, it's all a gamble
When it's just a game
You treat it like a capitol crime
Everybody' doin' their time

Strapped in the chair of the city's gas chamber
Why I'm here, I can't quite remember
The surgoen general say's it's hazardous to breathe
I'd have another cigarette
But I can't see
Tell me that you're gonna belive

Capitain America's been torn apart
Now he's a court jester
With a broken heart
He said turn me around
And take me back to the start
I must be losing my mind
"Are you blind?!"
I've seen it all a mllion times

I want to go
I want to know
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Oh, look at me
Oh, won't you please take me home

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home (Oh, won't you please take me home)

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home

Take me down
Oh yeah
Beat me down
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Oh, look at me
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Boy, I'm gonna be mean
Oh, oh take me home

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to go
I want to know
Oh, won't you please take me hooooooome
Baby


When I got home I had a note in my inbox from Michael's brother Scott.

"loretta i think that is perfect and that you are wonderful! scott"

It was response to my question of whether the eulogy was acceptable to Michael's family. I am glad they liked it and I hope that I did Michael proud. It was an honor to tell the part of his story that I know and send him on his way with love from his friends. I want to thank the Phillips family for showing me so much warmth and kindness, for allowing me to be a part of Michael's ceremony and for allowing me to be a part of his life. I'll always share a bond with them now. Ms. Jackie and Mr. Bobby asked me to please let them know when the medical marijuana bill starts working its way through the legislature again because they plan to stand and speak for Michael and others like him whose lives could be made better by safe access to a simple plant. Michael will be very proud.

Michael's family is still in need of financial help to cover the cost of transporting his body from Louisiana to Alabama and covering the cost of his funeral. If you haven't already please take a moment and send them something now.
To mail a contribution please send a check or money order payable to Bobby or Jackie Phillips to

Bobby & Jackie Phillips
3802 Martha Lane
Millbrook, AL 36054

Or use the paypal button below to make a contribution online. These contributions will go to my account as the Phillips' family does not have one. I will then distribute any monies to them.

Photos of Michael in New Orleans

Today is Michael Paul Phillips' funeral. I attended his viewing last night in Millbrook. It was very difficult to see him in his casket. His family put together a slide show of of him using photos we took in New Orleans. In the background they had Michael's cd's playing the music he loved. On the corner of a cork board they had a ball cap he had covered with drug policy reform pins that he got at the conference. He would have been very proud to know how well his family represented what he liked in life.

I thought I'd share these photos of Michael with all of you.

Michael Paul Phillips Obituary

Brookside Funeral Home

PHILLIPS, Michael Paul, age 38, a resident of Millbrook, AL died December 8, 2007 in his sleep after an extended illness. He was a graduate of Stanhope Elmore High School and had attended AUM. He is survived by his parents, Robert E. Phillips, Jr. (Bobby) and Jacqueline Arlene (White) Phillips; brother, Patrick Scott (Haley) Phillips; nephew, Wade; niece, Addison. He was the grandson of Dorothy Louise Phillips and the late Robert E. Phillips, Sr., Geraldine and Ron Pasley. He had numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. Funeral services will be held on Thursday, December 13, 2007, 10 AM from Brookwood Baptist Church with Rev. George Monfee officating, euology by Loretta Nall and Ron Pasley. Interment to follow service in Good Hope Baptist Church Cemetery, Eclectic, AL. Pallbearers will be John Lisk, Ryan McElvey, Jim Weldon, Jarrett Watson, Tommy Fikes, Hal Wilson, Travis Broderway and Ehson Kochi. Family will receive friends on Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 6 to 8 PM. at Brookside Funeral Home, Millbrook, AL. Brookside Funeral Home of Millbrook, AL Directing

Funeral Arrangements for Michael Paul Phillips

The viewing for Michael Phillips will be on Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2007 from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at Brookside Funeral Home.
3360 Brookside Dr
Millbrook, AL 36054
(334) 285-7442
Get directions

Funeral services are set for Thursday, Dec. 13, 2007 at 10 a.m. at Brookside Baptist Church in Millbrook, AL.

Tragedy Strikes...The Death of a Friend

(Michael is pictured far right holding up his shirt.)

Dear All,

I write this post with a very heavy heart. On Sunday morning as my Alabama group was preparing to leave New Orleans for Alabama we discovered one of our members had died in the night.
Michael Paul Phillips of Millbrook, Al passed away on Sunday December 09, 2007. He was 38 years-old.

I had worked with Michael for a little over a year on the medical marijuana issue. He was born with an inoperable brain tumor that caused multiple seizures on a daily basis. He had taken every seizure medication known to humankind, and a few that were not, to no avail. Medical marijuana was the only thing on earth that reduced the number and severity of his seizures. He survived 4 different and unsuccessful brain surgeries that resulted in major injury to his brain causing him to have problems communicating, understanding and slowing his motor skills and coordination. As a result of that he was never able to be independent. He never lived on his own for more than a few months, was never able to get his drivers license, never married and never had any children. He had also been ostracized from society and had no friends other than myself and the small group of people who work with me here in Alabama.

I met Michael after he saw me on the Keith Olbermann show during the 2006 election. He called me up and told me he was a medical marijuana patient and that he wanted to be involved in passing the law so that he could stop being a criminal and living in fear of the police kicking in his parents door and seizing their property on top of his already nearly impossible life.

I began taking Michael to our Compassionate Care meetings around the state and coaching him on how to stand before the heartless fucking power structure in the Alabama State House and tell his story. His proudest moment came when he and his mother testified and he got his name and story in the Mobile Press-Register and the Montgomery Advertiser.

Michael was very excited about being able to testify again in 2008 and would call me multiple times a week to see if I knew when we were going back before the legislature. Michael, because of his disability, never had any friends to hang out with, to take him places or to make him feel like he was a part of a group who gave a fuck about him. I am so fortunate and blessed to have been able to proivide him with a circle of friends who also have some disabilities that could relate to how hard his life had been. He was always very excited when we were having a meeting because it meant that he got to get out of the house and be around people he could understand and who did not judge him or ostracize him or make him feel that he was different or burdensome in any way.

Thanks to the generous efforts of the DPA Michael was granted a scholarship to attend the International Drug Policy reform conference in NOLA. I think he called me twice a day for a month leading up to the conference. This was his first trip away from home in 20 years. His last was when he graduated high school and his parents took him to the beach...needless to say he was very excited. His child-like enthusiasim was wonderful to behold. Michael had a great time at the conference. He met other patients, struck up conversations on his own which was very rare for him, took notes during the sessions, had a ball walking down Bourbon St. watching what must have been a total freak show to him and eating raw oysters every day that he was there.

I last saw him after the closing session where he participated in a huge smoke-out in my room. He was having a blast. He had never been around so many people who asked what his story was or who were so willing to talk to him and include him. He left with four other group members and they all returned to their hotel for the evening. Everyone was tired and didn't want to go out. The plan was for everyone to meet up in the Holiday Inn lobby at 9 am for the trip back to Alabama. When I called around 830 to make sure everyone was up and almost ready I learned that no one could find Michael. They had searched high and low, been to his room and pounded on the door, called his room....and nothing. I asked the lady at the front desk to open the door so I could check on him. She said that she could not do that until after 11 am. I told her that this was a medical emergency and she called housekeeping to go by and peek in. About 25 minutes later housekeeping called back and said he was in his bed sleeping. I knew at that moment that he was probably dead.

I went to his room and banged on his door for a long time and called his name. Nothing. I asked again for the door to be opened so I could enter and was told not until 11. I then said if they didn't open the door I would kick the fucker off the hinges. They opened the door.

I walked over to his bed and laid my hand on his back. He was already long dead and cold. It appeared that he mercifully died in his sleep and he was laying on his side with one knee bent. Whatever took him did it quickly and painlessly and thankfully he never knew that the end of his life had come.

Having to call his parents and deliver that awful news ranks as one of the absolute worst moments of my life. They are devastated. His mother said, "Oh please don't leave my baby down there by hisself." I lost a child in 2000 and the strangest and most illogical things happen to your mind when that happens. You want to know if your baby is cold? Are the people with him people that can show him dignity? Is he alone? You want to hold and touch and caress them and the thought that they are alone is about more than you can bear. It does not matter that it is just a body and that the life force has departed. You want your baby.

However I had others with me who had to get back to work and to their families. We did stay until Monday and learned that it would be Tuesday before the funeral home here in Alabama could get his body back. There was some question as to whether they could get the body back at all due to Louisiana having very stringent laws regarding corpses. The funeral director told his mother this and the family got her to agree to let me come home ahead of the hearse. Leaving Michael was very hard. One of his fears before going on this trip is that he would get seperated from the group and be lost and alone. I'll always feel very badly about having to leave him. I know how his mama feels. It's an awful place to be in your mind.

I went to Michael's parents house last night to return his belongings that I was allowed to bring back and to mourn with them. I was terrified, just terrified, that they would be angry with me and blame me. I know that when my son died I certainly wanted something or someone to blame. It is a natural part of the grieving process I think. I was prepared for it...but it didn't come. Michael's parents were loving and warm. They thanked me for being one of the only friends that he ever had and for making him a part of something that had a great deal of meaning for him, for taking him places, for helping him find medicine and for taking him before the powers that be in Alabama so that his voice, which had been silenced and oppressed for the majority of his life, would be heard by important people. They thanked me for giving the last year of his life a meaning and substance that it had never had before.

Michael's body is now back in Alabama and funeral arrangements will be announced later today. While speaking with his family last night I learned that they had neither life nor burial insurance on Michael and that the added cost of transporting the body back from New Orleans was going to be enormous. Michael's father is unable to work due to having advanced COPD. His mother has worked all her life at a sewing plant. I would like to ask all of my readers to make a donation to help cover the cost for his family.

Please PayPal donations to me atvoodoodol_74@yahoo.com or if you prefer to mail them please send a check or money order payable to Bobby or Jackie Phillips to me at

4633 Pearson Chapel Rd
Alexander City AL 35010

If any of you would like to send flowers please send them to

3360 Brookside Dr
Millbrook, AL 36054
(334) 285-7442

If you are in Alabama and would like to attend Michael's funeral please email me offlist for more details. I will be delivering part of Michael's eulogy.

Please keep Michael Phillips and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

Loretta Nall

Alabamians for Compassionate Care