Gee, I Guess We'll Have To Rub Sticks Together

Alabama Representative Arthur Payne (R- Jefferson) wants to ban novelty lighters in Alabama. That's right....BAN them...making it unlawful to manufacture, distribute, import, retail sale, or give away lighters as prizes or promotions to sell or give away an operable novelty lighter in this state.

Novelty lighter is defined as follows:

For the purposes of this act, novelty lighter means a mechanical or electrical device typically used for lighting cigarettes, cigars, or pipes that has entertaining audio or visual effects, or that resembles in physical form or function articles commonly recognized as toys appealing to or intended for use by children. This includes, but is not limited to, lighters that resemble cartoon characters, toys, guns, watches, musical instruments, vehicles, toy animals, food or beverages, or that play musical notes or have flashing lights or other entertaining features. A novelty lighter may operate on any type of fuel, including butane or liquid fuel.


That this bill has been placed on a committee calendar is just beyond me. Aren't there other, more pressing issues in Alabama right now than...novelty lighters? Has there suddenly been a rash of fires started by children playing with novelty lighters? Oh, I know, I know, 'it's for the safety of the children.' But, a kid, or anyone else for that matter can start a fire with a book of matches, a non-novelty lighter and even a magnifying glass if they are creative enough.

I REFUSE to give up my flashing lighter that features SpongeBob SquarePants singing "Burning Down The House". NEVER! From my crispy fried fingers!

(Filed under 'I couldn't make this shit up')