That Naughty Pig

As most of my readers know I own a male pot belly pig named Snuffalufagus, who is very sweet and likes his tummy scratched whenever he can get it. What they don't know (unless they have owned one and found out the hard way) is that pigs are completely oversexed animals (if you don't have them castrated when they are young) and will hump anything even remotely round.

I didn't have mine castrated when he was young. My vet dislikes pigs immensely and would not do it. He told me to find an old black farmer to do it. I asked a friend of mine if he knew of any farmers who fit that description and he said yes. I asked him about how the procedure was performed and he told me, "Well the farmer catch the pigs head up in a wooden thing, then he takes a razor blade and slices open the sac, pops out the balls, cuts them off, throws some turpentine in there and that's it. The pig will act like he dyin' for about 4 days then he will get up and be fine...most of the time anyway." I asked about anesthesia for my little pig and was told that none would be given.

Since I like my pig and thought that procedure sounded a lot like torture, I decided against getting him castrated. I now deeply regret that decision.

See, my pig is a flat out sex maniac. He humps anything round. Barrels, logs, he's made more than one attempt at the goats, cats, and would probably go after the dog if he could get close enough. We gave him a barrel a few months ago....but after a fierce bout of pig/barrel fornication, in which he rolled it down the driveway, across the road and into the neighbors yard (forcing me into a very embarrassing situation of having to explain why my pig was in my neighbors yard having relations with a barrel) we took it away.

Now, the pig has gotten his revenge. Every day (at least until this week) Snuffy was allowed to be out of his pen for a few hours in the evening. He likes to roam around in the woods, root for acorns, muscadines, and other tasty things to eat, and terrorize the other animals who happen to be out when he is. Other than a time or two, I have never known him to travel to the neighbors yard (remember the barrel episode?) and never gave it much thought. However, I should have foreseen what was bound to happen.

A few weeks ago one of my neighbors put up her Halloween decorations. Their house sits right next to mine and so her decorations, which consist of a scarecrow hanging on a fence and a large, ROUND, pumpkin, are just a few feet from the bottom of my driveway.

When we first noticed the decorations my husband said, "You know pig is going to go after that pumpkin...he won't be able to resist it." I said...'Man I hope not."

And then it happened. Day before yesterday I hear a knock on the door. When I answer it I see my neighbors adult son standing there. After we exchange pleasantries he asks me, "Say...y'all ain't seen a large plastic pumpkin around here anywhere have you? I seen your pig just humping the hell out of it yesterday afternoon and now it's disappeared. My mama really loved that pumpkin."

I don't think I've ever wanted to crawl under a rock so badly in my life.

"No", I said, "I haven't seen a pumpkin around anywhere. And I am so sorry you had to witness that incident. My pig has a thing for all things round. Let me look around the property and see if I can locate your pumpkin. If I can't I will replace it or give your mom the money if I am unable to find one."

He was agreeable to that. So, I looked all over my 2.15 acres of wooded property and there was no large, bright orange plastic pumpkin to be found. Piggy has her stashed somewhere I guess. I just can't figure out where he would have hidden it. Hell, you'd think a big orange plastic pumpkin with a jack-o-lantern face would be pretty easy to spot. Not so...at least not in this case.

So, yesterday I went to Walmart with the intent of purchasing another plastic pumpkin to replace the one that piggy befouled. But they didn't have any. All they had were the inflatable kind for $50. And, let's face it, an inflatable pumpkin would fare far, far worse in a go round with piggy than a plastic one did.

Anyone know where I can get a large, plastic pumpkin? I feel bad about my animal destroying another's property and want to replace it.

Piggy is currently on lock down until I can get him a better place built that won't require him being let out to roam every day. I hate that because he so enjoys being loose, kicking up his heels, wagging his tail, and trotting around the yard. But, nothing round is safe when he is loose and in the interest of preserving neighborly relationships I will keep him secure until a better pen is built or until I can find someone with adequate facilities to take the horny little porcine.

Say, anyone want a pig?


UPDATE: PUMPKIN FOUND!

As you can see he stashed her in a huge stand of nasty looking saw briers! That damn pig! Now I gotta wade through those evil things to rescue her and return her to her spot in front of the Scarecrow.

Pig!

Piggy continues to do well. He got loose yesterday. You would not believe how fast that little devil can scoot! I didn't bother chasing him because, even if I could have gotten close enough to grab him, there is no way to hold him. They are a lot stronger than they look and there is no way to get a good grip because of the way they are shaped. So, I made him a Hansel and Gretel trail of dog food around the pen which lead back in. After he got tired of be-bopping through the yard and around in the woods looking for acorns he picked up the dog food trail and went back in his house.

He is such a happy little fellow. Makes all kinds of cute noises and is always happy to see me whether I am bringing him food or not. He wags his tail like a puppy and runs up to be scratched and loved on. He is a mess. Loves attention and loves to interact with the other animals. The other day we filled his barrel up with fresh hay. Now when I go out and call him the first thing I see is a moving mass of hay, then a nose comes poking out and the rest of him follows. There is a piggy shaped impression inside the barrel. It's so cute!

My Piggy is Awesome!

Here is a video of me playing with my completely spoiled rotten piglet!



This little pig is just amazing. He's a very social animal. Every time a goat or chicken or cat gets close to his pen he runs up and starts talking to it. A week ago he would run hide every time I went to feed him. Now, he runs right up to me and wants his first bite out of my hand. Not only that....but I found his special spot...right under his front right (hoof?...paw??...arm?) I've spoiled him so rotten that he will lay down for a belly rub with his head in his food bowl and eat and get scratched at the same time, as you will see near the end of the video.

He is absolutely precious!

Every single day this little animal becomes more fascinating! I have never owned a pig. My Uncle Shelton used to raise them to eat when I was a kid. I clearly remember two giant pigs that I helped raise from babies. Every day at feeding time I would go with Unc to feed them and they would roll over and want their bellies scratched with a stick. One day they were gone and a few weeks later the news that they were now the breakfast on my plate was given to me in a less than considerate manner. That's devastating to a kid...the first time they find out where meat comes from. It was devastating to me anyway. Word of advice...DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS!

Snuffleupagus

That is the name we decided on for our little porcine friend.

I absolutely love this pig! He is the coolest critter I have ever had the pleasure of owning. He wasn't handled at all before I got him so I have been spending lots of time with him every day. A few days ago I chased him down and picked him up. He proceeded to bite the shit out of me. I promptly put him back down. He bites a lot harder than you'd think.

So, I decided to look up the best way to tame them and of course it was food. Dog food to be exact. I tried it out a few days ago and he loved it. He is so damn cute. I made him a little Hansel and Gretel trail and every time he would find a piece he'd give this happy little victorious grunt. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Yesterday I actually got him to eat out of my hand and let me scratch him. He loved the scratching. He got so comfortable with me that he laid down on his side and wanted me to rub his tummy. He would push his little head into my hand when I found a particularly happy spot.

And, despite what people think, pigs are very clean animals who are also very intelligent. This little guy, I noticed yesterday, will back his rump up to the holes in the chain link fence and make his turds fall outside the pen. Amazing!

He is indeed a very cool critter and I am glad I got him. He is going to make a great addition to the Nall family farm.

A new farm baby

Just got him yesterday from a friend up the road. Haven't named him yet. He is so dang cute! Not very tame though as he hasn't been handled much so I have my work cut out for me. He hates to be picked up....squeals like you are killing him...and he is loud to be such a little fella. We put him in with the chickens for the night. He rooted around under their hay....looked like a mole.

Any readers out there have a pot bellied pig? Got any tips for me?