The Funniest Shit Ever!!

I've been following the story of Thorington Road Baptist Church Reverend Gary Aldridge's bizarre and exquisitely embarassing death by auto-erotic asphyxiation while wearing two wetsuits, rubber underwear and a condom covered dildo inserted into his nether region. My buddy BitterOldPunk directed me to ScienceBlogs.com where I found some of the most hilarious comments ever. My favorite so far is this lulu of a poem by some brilliant, poetic genius calling themselves 'Cuttlefish'.

We gather here to eulogize
The Pastor and the Man
Old Gary Aldridge, often wise,
Though not his latest plan.

A member of the Christian nation,
Friend of Jerry Falwell,
His last attempt at masturbation
Didn't go at all well.

For fifteen years, he'd preached the word
A Southern Baptist minister
His death--now, is it just absurd
Or something rather sinister?

How does a person come to wear
Not one wetsuit, but two?
(Although, I know, I should not care
I'm curious--aren't you?)

I tend to think that, years ago,
He spied a rubber glove,
And wondered "Should I--well, you know--
When God and I make love?"

He tried it on, and found a tube,
Half hidden on his shelf,
Of KY--smiled, and murmered "Lube
Thy neighbor as thy self."

And minutes later, hard at work,
He felt a little odd
Was this a sin, or just a quirk?
He talked it out with God.

"Is what I'm doing here a sin?
Or is my pleasure Thine?
Is this as bad as skin on skin?
Lord, please, give me a sign!"

So God produced a pamphlet: "Your
Vacation in Aruba!"
And pointed out--right there, page four--
The wetsuits used for SCUBA

See, God's not really how you think
A deity might be
He's got a wicked bondage kink
(Just ask His son, J. C.)

So Gary died, not steeped in sin
But following God's plan;
So straight to Heaven--come on in!
And bring the wetsuits, man!

A story, sure, but it may yet
Explain what happened then.
The moral is, please don't forget:
Your safeword is "Amen".

I ruptured some internal organ while howling over that one.

This one too...

He was actually found wearing a "Vote GW Bush 2004" T-shirt. The police just dressed him in that other stuff to lower the embarrassment factor for the family. Posted by: MartinC

Seriously though click the link above and read all these gems. It seems I am not the only one wondering how two wetsuits was possible?

I told you so!

After months of circling the wagons and trying in vain to shoot the messenger it has been determined that the Rev. Gary Aldridge of Thorington Rd. Baptist Church in Montgomery, AL died with his hands and feet bound behind his back wearing two rubberized suits.
Please forgive my vast ignorance of erotic ashphixiation....but why two rubberized suits? How in the hell would you even get two of them on?

That translates to some serious KINK....just as I suspected. I wonder what all of the people who threatend me over my speculation will have to say today? Not much I'd bet.

As for the papers assertion that 'no foul play was involved....hehe oh it was foul all right and was certainly play.

Here is the story from todays Montgomery Advertiser

Aldridge autopsy released

By Andre Coe

A Montgomery minister found in his home this summer died with his hands and feet bound behind his back and dressed in two rubberized suits, an offical autopsy report showed.

The Montgomery Advertiser obtained a copy of the 13-page report on Friday, one day after District Attorney Ellen Brooks authorized its release.

The Rev. Gary Michael Aldridge was found dead June 24. Police ruled the 51-year-old pastor of Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone at the time of his death and that there was no foul play involved.

The autopsy, prepared by Senior State Medical Examiner Dr. Stephen Boudreau of the Alabama Department of Forensic Sciences, lists "accidental mechanical asphyxia" as the cause of death. It gave a one-paragraph description of what the examiner saw when he conducted the autopsy on June 25.

A toxicology report showed no signs of drugs in Aldridge's system, but did find traces of ethanol, also known as ethyl alcohol. Boudreau explained that a body that is decomposing creates ethyl alcohol. Aldridge's death has been the subject of rumors since the church asked the community to "refrain from speculation" until police completed their investigation.

Brooks said Friday that her office gets hundreds of cases requiring autopsy reports every year.

"I don't know anything about any speculation," she said. "I'm a prosecutor. I have no case to prosecute. It is not a criminal matter at this point. If you're asking about idle curiosity, I'm not going to comment on that."

Capt. Huey Thornton, a police spokesman, said Montgomery Police used an out-of-state agency during its investigation, but he would not name the agency. He said the agency corroborated MPD's finding that Aldridge was alone when he died.

The Montgomery Advertiser requested a copy of the autopsy in a July 11 letter to the Alabama Department of Forensic Sciences. On July 12, the department replied that "... the report(s) cannot be released to the public at this time because the District Attorney has determined that the case is still under investigation. ..."

After police reported on Wednesday they had completed their investigation, the Advertiser made another request for the autopsy report.

Rod Kennette, deputy director of the state Department of Forensic Sciences, said he received Brooks' authorization to release the report shortly before 5 p.m. on Thursday.

The medical examiner who conducted Aldridge's autopsy said Friday the long wait for the autopsy findings was not unusual.

"These things happen," Boudreau said. "We see probably two of these a year. If you're not used to seeing that sort of thing, it's probably unusual."